There was a recent fantastic first okcupid date. Fireworks, laughter, really good conversation. Oh, and he is 6’6. Amazing. It was one of those dates that started with beers, moved to ice cream sandwiches, burgers, a walk home, more talking, and on. It was a giddy shmorgusborg.
I then proceeded to have a roller coaster of feelings. Such is the Bridget world of liking someone new. It is so damn hard for me to stay present. I get swirled up and before I know it, have reasoned my way into detaching (of the emotional not Buddhist variety) and warranting myself off to the lone ranger desert island of my fiercely defended independence. After 1 good date. Now, this could either be explained as psychopathology, or the home of some of my greatest spiritual work- how to show up, be here now, and stay open without needing to know or control how things will work out when it comes to love.
So, after a few days I got back on track and figured out how to use the surface feelings of a date to move some of the deeper feelings about my work. A second hang out happened, communication was clear and fun, and I started the week on an excited, and less distracted foot.
Yesterday, in a momentary daydream steering me out of the hospital and into my imagination, I had a flash of running into said dater while he was on another date. I thought about how weird and quite frankly, interesting, it would be to see that, and imagined how I would respond.
And then, it happened.
Sitting at one of my favorite spots with Nora, he appeared, with another her ( to eat the same ice Cream sandys we had – maybe not the most original thing to do). The blood proceeded to drain from my face and my body flushed with adrenaline. How powerful the heart and brain! are. I was high as I kite. Thanks to Nora’s heads up, I squeezed my cheeks and brought some glow back to my face- the competition was headed straight for me. The interaction was awkward at best. But good god, is he cute.
The kicker was when they sat down 10 feet away to eat. We had just opened our sandwiches and our beers were full. We weren’t going anywhere. My appetite moved to my toes with all the blood in my body, and my heart continued to pound. Nora was the perfect conversation partner in such a moment, and we handled the next 25 minutes with as much grace, and laughter, as possible.
As soon as they left, after an awkward goodbye, I flushed with tears. Now, tears, they are as common as anything around these parts, and we’re truly a sign of chemical overload. I mean, holg good god. Really universe?
The run-in stories are nothing new. And, as I always say, I’ll take them, for their sacred reminder to the connectedness of things. And, yesterday for me, was really a sweet gift. Hospital integration and constant transition has left me feeling separated from my intuition – the earthy and spirited parts of myself have struggled to hold their ground in social work school and the city. But apparently, my lifeline to the unseen dimensions are alive and well. And for that reminder, I am ever grateful.